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feedback for LSlimm, November 21, 2011
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| By Mary_Windishar - See all my comments |
Dear "L", thanks for being the first to comment!
I think your breaths might be better placed if you thought of them as punctuation. The 2nd one you've got there is a good example of that. The thought changes slightly after "(APIS IT)" so you could pause for a breath as you add new information (i.e. where is this agency?) With that in mind, you could also do without the one after issues, right?
I think your breaths might be better placed if you thought of them as punctuation. The 2nd one you've got there is a good example of that. The thought changes slightly after "(APIS IT)" so you could pause for a breath as you add new information (i.e. where is this agency?) With that in mind, you could also do without the one after issues, right?
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